“It reinforces the feeling that you’re not a full adult unless you’re married.” Finding a place between the YSA ward and the family ward can generate frustration and confusion in older single member’s lives.Stephanie Tenney, a 32-year-old church member, said other people’s remarks can be hurtful as well.Oates is now engaged, and he said before that his approach was to date as many people as he could at once. “I equate it to a little boy putting 10 different kinds of candy in his mouth at the same time and then trying to figure out which was his favorite.” UVU graduate Greg Vandagriff, 30, said his approach is to pick two or three girls outside his ward and to date them simultaneously.“This can prevent you from being too clingy and invested while shielding you from blowback of ward drama,” he said.Whatever the approach, being single in one’s late 20’s or 30’s in a culture that intensively focuses on marriage and family does not come without challenges and heartaches.Vandagriff said he often feels disconnected and has a hard time fitting in with friends his age, the majority of whom are married.In his situation, as a 30-year-old active in the professional world, it’s hard to find a place during game nights when he is asked to play Signs or Mafia.
(@Dating FLL/Twitter) Dating in the LDS young adult world can be like a real “Holy Grail” quest.
For instance, a text or call constitutes one point. According to him, if a man calls a woman, he now has one point.
A Facebook message or post is half a point, while leaving a voicemail or stopping by someone’s apartment is two points. If he then drops something off at her apartment, he has two points, giving him a total of three points. Oates, who advises others to use his three point rule, or his “dating game,” said it serves as guideline to know when to give up pursuing a person.
Oates says the three points rule, as described in his You Tube video, “is all a game.” Oates says a man and a woman each start out with zero points, and their dating actions, such as calls or gifts, award them certain points.
Once someone hits three points, they’ve done enough to try contacting the other person.